


One Divided Into Two

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Bubbles, Eridan forgets stuff because he caused the death, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, also my matesprit hates me for this fic because its kinda sad???????, also they fucked in the end, so um this was based off of a roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You both are different. Very different. You do not see how you can stay together in this way, with your thoughts trying to separate, but coming together again. He is silent, while you are vocal. You both can tell that everything you feel can be felt by him, while you cannot feel anything he does. Even in this body, he closes himself off. You are afraid that you hate yourself, because you feel he does not trust you. Even when you are together. You hold onto him, while he does nothing, because you are afraid of being alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Divided Into Two

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nexusknowhow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nexusknowhow/gifts).



You both had woken up in a body that was not yours. It’s as if you’re stuck in this strange loop of being in a body that is not yours. It’s like floating in these strange moments in time, and they’re traumatizing. The sight of the flashing light that holds your body, you trust this light, until you see it break down and destroy. You hear screaming, and you realize it is you. Your head hurts and you can’t breathe, there is white everywhere, and these sounds of electricity cracking burns in your pan, your own screaming overlapping with another’s. You’re only remembering this now, and it hurts. Your head hurts, your pumper hurts, you cannot think, there is only pain and white, so much white in your head. There is a part of you that has seen everything, with the other not remembering a thing. Part of you is being manipulated, and the other resits. There is this familiar chill that clouds your head, one of you unaware, with the other witnessing what will happen. You wish you were manipulated as well. You do not want to remember this. But you are connected. You cannot remember where you end and he starts.  
When you’re finally left to drop onto the ground, you sigh in relief, with pain still boring in your pan, your eyes sore and lungs gasping for air. You had done nothing. Nothing at all, and yet you want to curl up into yourself and sleep. You stand, despite the pain, worry that does not belong to you clouds your head, your body screaming at you, but you do not care. Your pumper screams at you, screaming her name. You had no care for her, but her hive is rubble and you do not know how you found your way here, but you do. You try to search for her, with red and blue to help you, but you scream as the pain threatens to destroy your eyesight. You have to find her.  
You’re only weak limbs and sore muscles, and your throat is hoarse from your screaming. Part of you wants to collapse, while the other continues searching. You follow this trail of red blood, and you have never felt so much sorrow and so much guilt for someone you never even knew. There is a mangled body that lies in front of you, singed from your weapon, what you trusted the most. Part of you knows what happened. Part of you blames yourself. Pity is welling up in your pumper, you want it to stop, because no, no, no, no, you’re not supposed to feel this way, you cannot pity them, not now, not ever. You cannot show weakness in this way.  
Both parts of you cry over different things. He mourns over the dead body that he cradles in his arms. It’s too warm, too hot for you, and you want to throw it away, it does not matter, but it does. The darkness embraces you, and you welcome it with open arms, but your other self clings onto the body, until he cannot hold her anymore.

When you wake once more, it is a different time. It is a different place. Grey walls surround you, the sound of happiness fills your ears, and you dread this moment. You had tucked this away in a small part of your pan that was never to be seen again. You do not want to see it again. But it is there. You, your body, stands there. There is someone else beside you, he watches, while you scream at yourself to stop. There is no way your body will stop. This has happened. You cannot change time.  
When he stands in front of her, you feel yourself crying. You do not want to do this again, but your hand raises itself, strong and firm, and you want to drop the weapon in your hand. You want to break yourself in front of them, and cry. You are only a child, you remember this, you are only a child and you do not know what to do. You are scared and lonely and are afraid to not exist beside her. You are afraid of being alone. When you hear the familiar sounds of red and blue, you sob. You are crying, you are screaming, you want this to end before it even begins.  
You wish you were better. You wish you were smarter. You wish you were older. You need this to end. You do not want to live through this again. You would rather kill yourself, but when the light begins to shine, you know there is nothing you can do. Inside, you feel yourself collapse, while the other watches. You do not know what his emotions are.  
His own body is thrown at the wall, his head falling as if he were dead. You shudder at the thought. She stands in front of him, and when she turns her head, you could never forget the eyes of rage that stare back at you, full of emotions that added up to her platonic hatred for you. Part of you tells you that she has forgiven you, but the other half denies it. And when you turn around, there is another troll who stands in front of you. Her weapon is something fearsome, but was no match for your own. You destroy what was supposed to be the new Mother of your whole race, but who would have been there to supply the Mother, if you had killed them all anyway. Your thoughts scare you. You remember them, and you’re terrified of them. You’re terrified that you might hate yourself. You're silent, as you watch yourself kill your friend, who had every right to kill you, if you had given her the chance in her life. Of course, you were killed when she was reborn, as an undead drinker.  
You do not care for the last troll who stands aside. You knew he could have never killed you in his traumatized state. When you abscond, you break. Your thoughts are broken and you are terrified of what you have just done. The two of you watch what your body has done, and you are scared, and sad, and you do not know how to feel with the other one watching. He is silent, and you cannot hear him. You are sure he hears you, but he does not acknowledge you or your thoughts.  
Once again, you feel the pain, this time, slower than before. The feeling of the blades cutting into your skin, and cutting deeper and deeper the more the blades were pushed through. You hear yourself scream, both you and your body. You are not sure if he feels it as well. Before you can even see your own dead body, you fall into the darkness once more.

When you wake, you have finally broken your cycles of spinning through your memories. You realize everything. You learn things about yourself, and about the one you share your life with. You manage to stay together, through a strange peace. The two of you had a way of moving together, he flew, while you swam, but your movements were the same. Of course, at times, you would crash into one another, but there were more times when you both danced, rather than moved.

It was supposed to be longer than this. You were not supposed to feel this way again. You have already lost her twice, you do not want to lose her again. But when she breaks, and all that is left is smoke in her color, you scream once more at the sprite in front of you. He does nothing, and you leave, finding yourself breaking apart as you do your best to abscond. You push yourself away, your thoughts have collided once again. He says one thing, but you cannot take it. You lost her. You lost her. You lost her. You scream at yourself, your thoughts at a contrast. You cannot bring yourself to calm down and you shriek. Tears are streaming down your face, your hands to your head as he screams at you to stop, to shut up, but you do not want to, you are in pain, and you scream louder to try to drown out his voice. But his voice is yours, and it is right in your ears. You push him away, try to pull yourself apart.  
There is a painful splitting between your eyes, you want to pull your own head apart. The pain grows, it only spreads around you. You feel like you’re splitting, your pan screaming at you to stop, stop, this is you, your body, stop it hurts, please make it stop. You agree, and end your new life.

When you are awake, you realize you are alone. There is no one beside you, in your pan, the second voice who kept you company. You do not know how to be alone and there are tears at your eyes, you are afraid. You search for him, not wanting to be alone. You are silent when you hear him. His voice is faint, but he is near. You follow it, searching for him in the green smoke.  
When you find him, or when he finds you, he is the one to jump up and hold onto you. Neither of you are as connected as you wish to be, and you are unsure if you are supposed to move your own arms. When he pulls away, he holds your arms, holding you in place. You can tell he expects something from you.  
You speak first, staring at his eyes. “Fef,” you pause, searching for their name. “Fefeta exploding.” You recall the memory. “I couldn’t handle it.”  
“Couldn’t handle it?” He wasn’t okay with being dead. “You fucking broke down!” No, his words can be harsh. “And you didn’t want to be alive anymore,” Please stop talking. “and we were doing just fine without-”  
“I didn’t want to lose her for the third time!” You cry. You do not look at him again, you do not want him to see you this way. Not when he is angry.  
He lets go of you, turning away. He is silent and unmoving. You watch him for a moment, and he says nothing to you. You huff, standing up, not caring about how dizzy it makes you. You decide to walk away, and you raise your voice to let him hear you. It hurts to be this far away. “What, you’re not talkin’ to me anymore?”  
You see him take a deep breath before he turns around, his eyes full of rage, and his cheeks wet with tears. “We’ve been together long enough to know everything about each other.” You do not like looking at him when he is like this. “And you’re just gonna leave?” He is angry. Angry at you, and you are not sure how to feel about it. “Fefeta exploded, and all you could do was fuck up our lives, again! You’re such an asshat! We were just fine, even before us as a sprite. You ruined our lives, you piece of shit!”  
You have moved forward, only to touch him. “Sol, please, calm down,” you say, holding him. He only slaps your hands away and his psionics crackle, and they’re black and white - he’s dead, they remind you. You’re still in pain, you’re sure he’s in pain, and you’re scared that he’ll hurt himself, until the powers you had also trusted crawled its way to your neck. It was too tight, way too tight, you can’t breathe, you’re dead why do you need to breathe, please, stop, I don’t want- “So-sol-lux.” Your hands are to your neck, you are close to passing out, “I can’t breathe,” you strain out your words, and he drops you to the ground.  
You’re on your knees, feeling your gills flaring as you desperately gasp for air. Why had he done that? You - you’re supposed to know him, why would he do that? To you? You do not know how long you sit on the ground, trying to gain feeling back into your gills, but Sollux falls to the ground beside you, his head hanging down. You stare at him, watching his unmoving body, until you hear a sniff, and you silently gasp. He brings his hands to his eyes, and he pulls off his glasses. You continue watching him as you open your mouth to speak. “I’m sorry,” you say. “But if you really knew me, then you wouldn’t be blaming me right now. I barely fuckin’ know you. I trusted you, and you hurt me. You would’ve known how I felt. You watched me die in my own memories. You felt the pain I felt. And you blame everything on me?! Maybe we never should’ve been that abomination.”  
You don’t hear him sobbing until you finish. He’s shaking, his cheeks are wet with tears. He’s a sniffling mess. You’re hit with another wave of pity by just looking at him, trusting you to know his inner feelings. You hear yourself talking, not remembering what you were even trying to say, but all you know is that these words - these insults, were directed towards you. You’re not listening to him, or yourself, you just know that these words hurt, and you feel tears running down your face. "You’re the abomination, useless fuck up who can’t even keep a friend, doesn’t even know how to take care of his own quadrants, killed your friends, people who truste-” you’re muffled by something soft on your lips. You try to look forward, and you’re met with a pair of eyes.  
He stares back at you, before pulling away. “Shut up,” he says softly. “Fefeta forgave you. I guess I should too?”  
You’re shocked by his words, pausing for a moment to process what he said was real. “You do?”  
“Yeah,” he nods. The two of you sit in silence. It's not nice, it's not awkward. It just seems neutral. You don't know how much time has passed, but you do know that you must have stayed there for a while, because the memories, the world, changes around you. 

It feels like he hasn't spoken in sweeps when he speaks again. “I know you pity me.” You feel yourself flush. “And I don’t really see how, but I know now you actually have the ability to care for someone. And I kind of pity you back?” You feel cold. Your face is cold. You’re stuck frozen in place, your cheeks probably a deep violet color. He tearfully laughs before kissing you again, emitting a muffled surprised noise from you and you feel your fins twitch a little before you reciprocate his actions.  
Although the kissing is nice, the pain in your head persists. You pull away, putting your head on Sollux’s shoulder, a horn barely missing his ear. “I still hurt,” you sigh. He wraps his skinny, but long, arms around you.  
“Sleep it off, then,” he mutters.

The pain is still there, but dulled, when you wake once more. You have no recollection of anything that had happened before you slept, but you are wrapped in warmth, and it’s suffocating, it's too warm, it's becoming too hot, you're beginning to feel uncomfortable. You squirm and manage to move your arm to poke at the troll.  
They stir, and you try to wiggle out of their grasp. You realise who they are, when they lisp out their words. “ED, stop, I’m not awake yet.” His arm is still around you, and you push it away, uncomfortable with how close he is. He wakes up when you've finally freed yourself from his grasp. “What are you doing?”  
You let out a breathy laugh. “You were gettin' a little too close for comfort, there.” He furrows his eyebrows, and you realize he's not wearing his glasses. He looks strange without the glasses, he's dead. His eyes are black and white and it does not look normal. It kind of scares you.  
“Uh... We're supposed to do that? Do you even know how a proper matespritship works?” He's sitting up now, propped up on one arm, looming over you.  
“Matespritship?” You laugh. What the hell is he going on about? You know everything about each other, wouldn't the closest quadrant for you two be moirallegiance? “Thanks for the laugh.”  
He grows silent, and you sit up, scooting away from him. He only turns to lay on his back, and you stare at the world that keeps changing around you. You try to stay near him, finding his presence pleasant, while he does his best to scoot a ways away from you. You don't think too much of it, the two of you are just silent, beside one another. You think of home, and the sea slowly starts to appear around you. He's more of on the sand than by the water, and the water barely reaches him, which you're thankful for. The sea only gets your legs and pants wet, but it still feels good to have the cold lap at you. You're too busy with the sea that you don't notice the hands that grab at you and nudge at you to turn around.  
Sollux is there, his glasses covering his eyes. You can't really tell how he's feeling through that. “Don't lie to me.” His voice is steady, but when he takes a breath, you know he's upset.  
There's a pause between you two, your eyes staring down at the sands “I'm sorry,” is the only thing you can say. “I really don't know what you're talking about."  
He takes your chin in one hand, and his glasses are off now, his eyes staring right in to yours. "Bullshit."  
"I'm serious," you say, moving his hand away from your face. He's silent again, occasionally staring at you. When you look around, you notice that the bubble seems so big. That would mean more trolls. "Maybe we should find a better place to stay?" You'd rather not deal with other versions of others, with your own old friends who you're afraid of, or with any humans who just want to get married or some shit. But you would love to have some actual interaction with others. “I'd rather just stay away.”  
Sollux seems to get wary after you speak, and his eyebrows furrow together and you're a little confused and you blink at the sight of the electricity at his eyes. He growls, and you're against a wall (Since when did the memory change?) and his face, golden with anger, is dangerously close to yours.  
But when he kisses you, it's soft and gentle, and you don't know what's going on. You watch him, not really reciprocating his action. His eyebrows are knitted together and although his eyes are closed, he still looks so sad. Tears are forming at his eyes, and it's so strange to see it because Sollux Captor does not cry, he does not. You cast your head downwards managing to pull away, and he whines, and instead you kiss his eyes. You don't know why you even kiss him, but he's so pitiful with the face he gives you, and you just have to kiss him down the nose and to his lips, and he's eagerly kissing back.  
You take it slow, while he's doing his best to try to match your pace. He pulls away, “Do you?” He trails off, sighing. You shake your head.  
“I don't remember any a it,” and his hopeful look is lost. “But I do know that you're so pitiful.” He flushes and you smile, giving him a kiss on the forehead.  
“I pity you.” God, his voice is soft and sad and he's staring at you and you just want to make him smile. You kiss him again, this time on the lips, and you let him take control. His kisses, this time, are rough and he prods at you lips with his tongue. You tense, knowing that this is a sloppy make out, which is done in matespritships. He pulls away and looks at you. “Can I kiss you that way?”  
You feel yourself blush, and nod. He returns to your lips again, and there's this tickling feeling in your chest as his warm tongue enters your cold mouth and he's such a contrast in temperature. You shiver and slide your hands to his hips, and he breaks the kiss to pull you into his lap. He's so much taller than you and it's not fair, you're the shortest out of all your friends. He continues to kiss you, and his hands find your neck, and they're dangerously close to your gills. He knows what's happening, and you feel him grin and you want to wipe it off his mouth so he can continue to kiss you. He ghosts his fingers on the ends of your gills and you gasp, moving your head up, making you more vulnerable.  
He pulls away, and you whine, wanting him to continue. “Can I?” He asks. You nod, and he finds a set of gills and decides to lick them. You yelp and he laughs and you decide to hit his head. That gives you a wet kiss right onto your gills, and your breath is getting heavy but you don't really care because you let out a moan,and you didn't really want him to hear that. His breath tickles your gills, and one hand is on the opposite side of your neck, while the other rubs a horn. His tongue feels hot on your neck and you're going to explode. He knows how sensitive you are, and he's going to push all of your buttons until you pass out.  
“Looking like you need something,” he grins.  
“Shut up,” you flick his ear and he softly bites on a gill and you let out a small moan. “You know what I want. Just give it to me.”  
“Can't say no to that.”

**Author's Note:**

> So they did some real kinky shit in the end, but Eridan's memory is really bad because he was the one who kind of killed Erisolsprite. Umm... I don't know what else to say??  
> Bye???


End file.
